When it comes to making love, most people will think you’re talking about partnered sex, but you can actually make love to yourself and receive the same benefits as you would when engaging sexually with another person. With our digital age becoming more advanced and our need for social, physical interaction to have mind-blowing sex is on the decline, we’re becoming more self-sufficient in how we reach the perfect orgasm. Sometimes, there’s nothing quite like the act of self-pleasure. While it’s fun to have sex with a partner and get yourself going together, it isn’t always a necessity when you need to release some tension.
When you’re making love to yourself you know exactly what you want, what you like, and how to accomplish a full orgasm without anyone else’s needs attached to it. Let’s take a deep dive into how you can get to know yourself and find out exactly what making love to yourself means. We spoke to the sex and relationship expert, Dr. Lurve, to find out more.
Dr Lurve is a leading love and relationship expert. Dr. Lurve specializes in helping people navigate the science and metaphysics of relationships. A modern-day cupid for individuals discovering self-love, singles ready to find love, and couples ready to make love last forever, she is an authority on how to make relationships long-lasting. Follow her on Instagram @dr.lurve.
The Ultimate Sexpert’s Guide to Making Love to Yourself
1) Exploration
One of the best ways to have a great time sexing yourself is to know what you enjoy but in order to do that, you need to really know what you like in the bedroom (or couch, or shower)! When you start to explore things that you may not have tried in the past, it can be a little nerve-racking but don’t let that be an excuse to not play around. Having an open mind and a positive outlook on your body lays a good foundation for what you’re about to do. There’s absolutely nothing taboo or wrong about self-pleasure, and you should feel proud about your body and all the pleasure it can give you! Letting go of any shame, guilt, or embarrassment is ideal for a wonderful journey through self-play.
After all, it’s just you and nobody else, so take a deep breath and be open-minded to whatever you’ll feel and experience; there’ll be things you like and don’t like, and that’s totally normal. You can say “it’s me, myself, and I” and not worry about anything or anyone else.
2) Mood-setting
The key to being totally aroused by yourself is to firstly be comfortable in your environment. You’re not going to have an orgasm-tastic time when you’re thinking of things you need to do, or where you are, or someone walking in! Setting the mood starts with your mindset; are you comfortable and safe? Are you able to switch off your thoughts? Can you set some time aside to really get into the groove?
When you’re ready, now you can set the mood in a tangible way. Whatever helps you relax fully and calm every nerve in your body. Whether it be lighting a few beautifully scented candles, undressing for a hot bath or shower to warm your muscles, or setting the stage with your favorite sensual music (we recommend The Weeknd’s Trilogy), whatever gets you going will work a treat. If you’re into a more simple routine, we suggest warming up the bed with an electric blanket before you get started, and adding a salt lamp to create a soft, warm light (sometimes lots of light or complete darkness can be a turn on to depending on your style).
3) Equipment
Whether you’re happy to play with just your hands and your wildest imagination or prefer to use toys and sexual images, your self-pleasure journey is completely up to you! By making love to yourself you can take it as far as you want it to go, for as long as you’d like it to go – there’s no one else to worry about pleasuring, it’s just you and your trip to O-town.
If you’re new to the toy game, it’s best to start with something simple like a pocket vibrator that has plenty of vibration settings so you can explore what feels good for you. When it comes to something with a little more edge, there are plenty of dildos and bigger vibrators that will help you take care of business without getting a hand cramp! There’s plenty of cooling and heating lubes you can try to bring your sensual experience to another level, along with suction toys to use if you’re wanting to self-pleasure in the shower.
While a comprehensive guide to making love to yourself is a great way to get yourself ready for the ultimate self-pleasure journey, ultimately the best way you’re going to have a memorable and addictive experience is by doing whatever you feel most comfortable and sensual doing! There are no right or wrong answers, only yourself and however you want to get to know yourself between the sheets.
4) Alfie’s Love Gel
When you’re pleasuring yourself, treat yourself! We love love LOVE this incredible sex gel by They Call Her Alfie. This love gel boosts blood flow while natural aphrodisiacs long-jack and fenugreek get you in the mood. Seriously, the reviews have been amazing for all ages and we’ve heard that their customers keep coming back for more — need we say why? Whilst it not only gets the user sexually excited, but the gel also rejuvenates and hydrates at the same time. Use with yourself or with a partner. Shop here!
