DrLurve is Australia’s leading love and relationship expert! Based in Sydney, she specialises in helping people navigate the science and metaphysics of relationships. A modern-day cupid for individuals discovering self-love, singles ready to find love and couples ready to make love last forever, she is the singular authority on how to make a long-lasting relationship. The Lurve Lab is Dr Lurve’s signature series of courses, seminars, talks and intensives for those ready to find, cultivate, and keep love. From discovering chemistry to transforming love gone wrong, Dr Lurve guides couples in creating connections that can last a lifetime.
Being in a long-term relationship, it’s hard to identify what might be going wrong and why you feel less connected with your partner. It’s difficult to tell whether the relationship has run its course but there are signs you could be missing that says ‘time’s up’ on your time together.
1. Less communication
Communicating with each other is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, by talking about issues or even venting about your day, it brings you closer together as a couple. By avoiding communication it shows that one of you isn’t interested in what the other person has to say or find talking to them a chore. A lack of communication for long periods of time can drive a wedge between you, making it easier for one of you to emotionally check-out of the relationship. If you want to mend this, try going for a casual dinner to talk things out — if it’s easier to take blood from a stone than have a solid conversation, it’s time to move on.
2. Stagnant sex
At the beginning of the relationship you’re learning about each other’s bodies and what they like, but once the honeymoon phase is over sex can become more like you’re hitting auto-pilot than turbulence. Some eb and flows in your sex life is normal, but a dull routine that has you begging for it to end than to begin can mean your sexual chemistry has fizzled out. To keep the fire going, try a new position that you’ll both enjoy. If the desire has gone altogether, you’ll know it’s time.
3. You’re not appreciated
Constantly feel like you’re not doing enough, or doing something well enough? It could be because your partner isn’t taking time to appreciate what you bring to the relationship. If you drop everything for them without question, but when you need something in return you feel like a burden, it’s time to find someone who will see your efforts. While they might be a great person and would never harm you, you’ll constantly feel like you’re not living up to their unachievable expectations. Small gestures like a simple ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate you’ can go a long way, but not feeling appreciated is a slippery slope to the end of a relationship. If you feel this way, talk to your partner and work it out — if they see nothing wrong with their actions, you know what to do.
Obviously, every couple has fights every so often, it’s proven to be the sign of a healthy relationship, but only when it’s paired with conflict resolution. If you’re arguing with your partner over an issue or miscommunication, resolving the issue and moving on is a good sign. However, if it’s a recurring issue that results in an argument getting swept under the rug, it means neither of you are ready to fully let go of your ego and move on. Coming to agreements can be hard and letting your guard down isn’t easy, but when you value a relationship more than your pride, working on putting the issue to rest should be your main priority.
5. Fantasising about others
Thinking about what life would be like if you were living it up as a single, or day-dreaming about that new guy at the gym? If you’re frequently fantasising about someone other than your partner, it’s a clear sign that you’re already detaching from your current relationship. Envisioning your life without them and feeling indifferent or possibly happier means you’re clearly ready to move on. Your partner deserves someone who wants them more than others, and you deserve to find someone that will grasp your attention.
6. Someone’s been cheating
A controversial issue, cheating comes in many forms and many definitions, if you’ve been cheated on or have cheated, the main concern for any relationship is rebuilding trust. While some couples have overcome cheating scandals and have come out stronger for it, most couples don’t get past the feeling of betrayal. Cheating is a violation of trust and as a result, the victim of cheating may feel the reason their partner cheated is because they aren’t enough. If you’re unable to build trust and forgive and forget over time, it’s best to let the relationship come to a natural end than put bandaids over bullet wounds. Figuring out the signs that your relationship has come to a standstill can be confronting, but once the glass shatters and you open your eyes to issues in your relationship, ending it will seem like the only thing that makes sense.