So—let’s (literally) get down to business here. Do you consider yourself a communicator in the bedroom? Is dirty talk one of your biggest turn-ons? Research suggests that those who convey pleasure during sex actually experience greater levels of sexual satisfaction than those who don’t.
Dirty talk turns a sexual encounter into a mind and body experience, meaning our most receptive erogenous zone (the brain) is engaged whilst we’re getting down and dirty. It’s also thought to be a huge turn on because let’s face it, you end up saying stuff that would be way out of line to say in any other social situation.
So while it’s the blunt nature of talking dirty that makes it so arousing for people, it’s also what makes it hella awkward for so many. Use these tips to hone your skills.
1. It’s not just what you say…
It’s the way that you say it! Remember that dirty talk is a combination of what you’re saying, how you’re saying it, and the mood you’ve created. Talk softly, look each other in the eyes (or close your eyes if you’re feeling a tad uncomfortable) or whisper in your partner’s ear, to begin with. Setting this tone will be a huge turn on for both of you.
2. Keep things simple
To start off, it’s a good idea to simply ask for more of what you want. Describe what your partner is doing or what you’re about to do, ask for more of something or encourage them with words like harder, faster, or slower. Giving instructions along with positive encouragement can make you feel like you’re in control and lead to greater pleasure for both of you.
Also using phrases “I want” or “I wish” or “I like” are a great starting point—they’re straight forward (e.g. “I wish you were inside me” or “I like it when you touch me there”) and can instantly set that tone of sexiness without you having to preplan an entire porn script that feels way out of your comfort zone.
3. Ask questions
As well as opening up a very clear channel of consent communication, asking simple questions ensures that you’re doing what your partner likes, while the act of asking and talking while you’re doing it is making it way hotter for them. Asking “how does that feel?”, “do you like that?”, “do you want more?”, do you want me to do X, Y, Z to you?” ensures maximum pleasure all around, and you’ll feel sexy-as-hell while doing it.
4. Engage all of the senses
‘Cause sex is about way more than just physical touch. Engaging more senses heightens pleasure for both parties, and dirty talk is the perfect way to link them all together. If you love the way your partner tastes or smells, tell them. Bring it up in the bedroom and you’ll both feel a million dollars. If you like the sound they’re making, encourage them to make it more—or ask them to be louder and tell you what they’re enjoying.