Four Ways You Can Stop Struggling To Find Love

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Celebrating major life events like engagements, weddings and births can make us look at our personal lives and wonder where we measure up. It can sometimes feel like we haven’t got our ‘shit together’ because friends and family are hitting milestones we’re far away from achieving. It’s bad enough when parents or friends keep asking ‘when are you going to find a man’ when all you want is someone to come home to at the end of the day. Most of us are just longing for someone to spent the night in pjs, ordering pizza and watching your favorite TV show! We worry a great deal about finding a perfect relationship
If this sounds like you and you’re struggling to find the right guy, learn how you can identify what to do next to open yourself up to love.

1) What Your Squad Says About You

If your clique consists of couples, this one’s for you! Obviously they’re your friends and you love hanging out, but going out to dinner as the third, fifth or seventh wheel can start to get frustrating. They want you to date the first guy you chat to on Bumble or they set you up with a complete Mama’s Boy, just so you can double-date!
Solution? Find yourself a few positive single gals – they have a heightened sense when it comes to who is worthy of dating and who isn’t even worthy of a ‘hello’. Broaden your friendship group at work, asking your couple friends if they have any single gal pals, or start talking to the girl who does pilates next to you. If you’ve been surrounded by negative single friends who may want you to stay single with them, you know where to find new ones now!
Girlfriends always have your back when a new guy comes on the scene, they’re always down for a wine and cheese night while watching The Bachelor, and they might even give you the number of a guy that didn’t work for them but is a great fit for you.

couple looking at phone
Image: Afif Kusuma


2) Leaving The Past In The Past

This shouldn’t be news, but if it is I’m here to tell you holding on to past relationships play a huge role in how you’ll approach new relationships. Without noticing, you shut off new relationships before they have a chance to blossom one way or another. If you’ve been struggling to find love and think you’re not doing this, you might be sending signals that make you unapproachable to men.
I’m not talking about resting bitch face either; by declining a date from that cute guy at the bar who just happens to be wearing your ex’s cologne, you’re shutting off a potential match made in heaven.
Make room for fun and exciting experiences by leaving baggage in the past. This allows us to engage with more people as we become approachable and open, now that you don’t have to carry all that baggage around!

3) Let’s Get Digital!

Years ago women had to endure blind dates (without the luxury of online stalking), trying to find a decent guy in a bar or club, and even speed dating. The dating world is now comprised of chatting online with a match, unsolicited dick pics, and stalking his Instagram account to show your friends.
It’s time to roll with the punches and go digital! If you’re around the 20-30 year old demographic, dating apps like Bumble and Tinder can work wonders – though these apps are notoriously known for casual dating, people still find partners through the app. You just need to specify in your bio you’re looking for a relationship, not a one night stand.
Is casual dating not your thing? If you’re around the 30-50 year old demographic you can create a free profile on reputable sites like eHarmony, RSVP or Plenty of Fish. There’s absolutely no shame in putting your best profile photo forward and getting in touch with men or women that want long-term love!

online dating
Image: Charlies at Unsplash


4) Take the pressure off! 

It can seem like everyone around you is hitting big life milestones, what you need to accept is that everyone has a different timeline for when they achieve these milestones. Let go of the unspoken pressures! You know, the ones that say “be in a relationship for this amount of time, get engaged in a few years, plan your wedding and buy a house at the same time, now pop out kids” – we’re over those. 
It can be frustrating, but that doesn’t mean you need to compete with these unrealistic standards. Give yourself a break and acknowledge the fact that we can’t control every aspect of our lives; the beauty of letting go means we give ourselves room for wonderful things to come to us.
Great things take time, and great people might take a little longer to appear; even if Mr. Right comes in your life but not in the way you imagined it to be, getting rid of unachievable views or standards to make room for your perfectly imperfect love. Relax, enjoy your life and family and friends, let go of expectations and past fears, and give yourself the opportunity to love, however it finds you.
While you’re here, read all about the top five worst foods impacting your sex life right now

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