In an age we’re we are more sexually empowered than ever, open to all of the wellness, chakra and crystal dildo practises, it seems we’ve skipped over the basics. Before jumping right into the finale, there’s a certain degree of build up that’s required if you want to really up your romp game and connect on a complete physical, spiritual and emotional level. Yet, according to a study published in the Journal Of Sexual Research, we’re barely getting what we want, with both men and women desiring at least 20 minutes of foreplay, yet in reality, only getting about half of that.
Despite the fact ‘what women expect versus men’ can be different, when it comes to deep connection and peak sexual satisfaction, something that can seriously strengthen chemistry—both inside the bedroom and out—and also satisfy both parties is by building your sexual bond during everyday moments. To give you the tools you need, Amodrn asked Juliet Allen, Australia’s leading sexologist and founder of the Juliet Wands (those oh-so pretty crystal dildos you might have seen on site) for her simple tips on how to spark (or continue to ignite) sexual chemistry with your lover outside of everyday bedroom antics!
5 Ways To Build Sex Outside Of The Bedroom:
1. Create a self-massage ritual
“Use organic coconut oil to massage your entire body in front of the mirror. While you are massaging your body infuse love from your hands onto your skin, telling your body how much you appreciate and love every part of it. You may also wish to add some essential oils into the coconut oil, depending on what oil suits your mood,” says Allen. “Once you are complete, run a hot bath and soak in the bath. Enjoy feeling the hot water on your skin and when you get out your skin will feel beautiful and soft, and your heart nourished. This is important for our sex life because it is a self connection ritual—connecting deeply to our body and our heart is essential if we want to connect deeply with others.”
2. Practise presence
“It may sound simple, however many of us lack presence when we are listening to and spending time with our partner,” says Allen. “Deep presence allows us to feel fully heard and fully seen, which instantly creates more intimacy in partnership! Next time you are with your partner, notice how present you can become with each other.”
“Eye gazing is a beautiful ritual where two people sit quietly in front of each other and look into each other’s eyes with deep presence,” says Allen.
“Nothing is to be gained from this practice, there is no goal or objective – you just simply sit in silence for 2 – 20 minutes and gaze into each others eyes without saying anything. This practice works to create deep intimacy and allows us to see into each other’s souls – which has a huge impact on our sex lives because we instantly feel more connected to each other, leading to more connected sex.”
4. Creating a sacred space
“It is so important that we create beautiful spaces to enjoy sex in,” says Allen. “Start with your bedroom. I recommend only having a bed in the room and perhaps one other item of furniture. Take out those old pictures, or items that have old memories attached to them! Don’t have any junk in the bedroom.” “Also light candles every day, burn essential oils and incense, even when you’re not anticipating sex! You can then also clear the energy in the room by burning sage or palo santo. Enjoying a beautiful bedroom every day definitely leads to better sex!”
“Do not underestimate the power of kissing every day. The kisses don’t have to lead to sex, they simply need to be a moment in time when you are both present with each other and take 2 minutes out each morning and night to connect into each other’s hearts,” says Allen. “Kissing is the basic 101 of great sex and it can often fall to the wayside in long term relationships, so prioritise kissing!”