One of the most extreme violations of trust that can shake a relationship to its core, a cheating scandal can happen to any of us. Whether you’ve been cheated on, cheated on your partner in some form, or want to understand infidelity, take a look at how you can try to mend your relationship.
Why people cheat
For some, infidelity is tied purely to being physical with another person while for others, becoming emotionally invested and attached to someone that isn’t their partner can be considered cheating. In most situations, the person who cheats still loves their partner but have a need for affection and attention; this isn’t an excuse for cheating but it gives an insight into the mind of someone who has cheated. Reasons why people cheat can be put into three categories: the individual, the relationship, and the situation. Essentially, the individual is someone whose personality is prone to cheating and simply aren’t meant for a monogamous relationship; whoever they are in a relationship with, they’re likely to cheat. It’s not to hurt the person they’re with, it’s part of who they are. The relationship category is where most cheaters fall into place as they’re unhappy in their current relationship and seek affection elsewhere. In a relationship filled with fighting, poor communication, and lack of intimacy, either partner is more likely to cheat. For some, the situation they are in depends on variables such as how populated their location is, if there are more of the opposite sex where they work, if their line of work is creative or surrounded by attractive people, and if they spend a lot of personal time with another individual they could grow a connection with.
There are success stories of couples reuniting after a cheating scandal. Some may say their relationship is stronger because of it! Unfortunately for most couples, cheating breaks the trust between two people so much that the victim can’t get past feelings of betrayal and hurt. Rebuilding the connection and trust is one of the hardest and most important things to get right during this fragile time. The victim not only feels the most vulnerable they’ve ever felt, but now have new feelings that they may not have dealt with before. They need to share their feelings openly with their partner as they may feel a sense of worthlessness and shame, along with being deceived and that it’s their fault. Taking time to get to know each other again and spending quality time together can help bring you two together. Taking a weekend or night away from home or scheduling in a date night once a fortnight can help. If you can, seek professional help or book in with one of my private sessions, working with couples is Dr. Lurve’s area of expertise!
What if the trust doesn’t come back?
Before calling it quits on your relationship, have a hard think about your partner and their feelings.Mending a relationship after cheating isn’t easy and will take a lot of work from both parties; reality is some couples won’t be able to come back from infidelity. Sometimes the trust is too broken to rebuild and forgiveness isn’t enough to wipe the memory away; in hindsight this isn’t always a bad thing as a break up may have been the best for you both. Some couples aren’t meant to last forever and the scandal provides a lesson in life we needed to experience. It can be very difficult to look past your feelings of hurt and anger right now. Try to remember why you’re together in the first place. Let them know how you feel and if there’s things they can do to make it better; talking to a professional can help as they are unbiased and new to your situation. If you feel like your relationship is crumbling, you’ve been cheated on and need help. Or maybe you simply want to reconnect with your partner, get in touch with Dr. Lurve and get your relationship back on track! While you’re here, check out a love expert’s guide to online dating.