Ah, the ever-elusive vaginal orgasm. For some of us, it’s hard to imagine what this is like. For the few of us that have experienced the phenomenon, we hear it’s an absolutely incredible delight. Hell, sometimes it’s hard to picture what any type of orgasm is like. While there is not much data out there on cisgender women and the frequency of their orgasms, vaginal or otherwise, there is a comprehensive study that was done in Finland over the course of almost 50 years, according to VeryWell Health. The study found that only 40% to 50% of cisgender women experience orgasms during intercourse. More than half is through both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, one-third through clitoral, and only 6% from vaginal stimulation alone. There is even less research done on those who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
One thing is for certain, we need to have more conversations around how we can all be satisfied in the bedroom. We’ve done some research on a few methods that some suggest may help you get to that sweet spot. Keep reading for more!
How to Help Achieve Orgasm
1) Try a Sex Toy
Achieving orgasm is all about knowing your body and experimenting with different methods of getting there. Trying out a sex toy is one of our favorite ways because you don’t need anybody but your damn self. And there are so many to choose from! We’re obsessed with this little guy from Dame called the Aer. The suction feels incredible everywhere on the body and the intensity can be controlled to fit your needs and if you introduce a partner, theirs as well! Shop here.
2) Masturbation and Getting to Know Your Body
Masturbation with or without a sex toy is the way to go. If you are aware of what makes you perk up, feel good, and get in the zone, you can be well on your way to getting closer to achieving orgasm. And this doesn’t just go for the nether regions you know! There are all sorts of erogenous zones on your body. The ears and neck are favorites, for example, wink wink!
3) Find the Position That Works Best for You
If you’re having sex with a partner and haven’t quite hit that sweet spot, we recommend switching things up in order to best suit you and your body. Sex should be about satisfying both parties, so making sure you dole out enough time and space for the person that’s helping you get there is important, okay? All of our bodies are different and it may take some practice to have an orgasm, but doesn’t that sound fun?
4) Coping with Sexual Performance Anxiety
Our society puts us on an incredible pedestal when it comes to sex. Let’s get one thing straight, there is no one way to have sex. If we have a million different nerve endings, there should be basically an infinite number of ways we can play in the bedroom. Sometimes, a lot of why we can’t achieve orgasm is in our minds. Concerns about what a partner might think, body image, relationship issues, stress, and nervousness about sex all play a role. There are a number of ways you can cope with sexual performance anxiety including talking to a therapist (if you have the means to), talking to your partner, exercising and releading endorphins, self-care, getting intimate in different ways, and open and honest communication.
We love the They Call Her Alfie Love Gel for helping us achieve orgasm for many reasons, and they’re all incredible. The always sold out They Call Her Alfie’s Love Gel is a lightweight gel that is applied prior to sexual activity to the clitoris to help you feel more aroused. It boosts blood flow as well as hydrates, soothes, and rejuvenates the vagina when used on a regular basis. It’s incredible before sex to make you ready for penetration, play, and whatever your heart desires. Shop here.