3 Simple Ways To Navigate Intimacy If You Have Children

Dr. Lurve gives us her advice on how to keep connecting, even after you have a family.

intimacy with children, couple kissing
Image: Instagram @humanlovers

The spring and summer holidays are fast approaching and family time is about to increase 10 fold thanks to the festivities of Easter, Spring break, and more. With the busiest time of year just around the corner, it can be difficult for some couples to maintain peace in the household when there’s so much going on at once. For some parents, school holiday time almost feels like a sensory overload; you’re rushing to get all the shopping done in time for in-laws and friends to come over, there’s more noise in the house because everyone is on break—and more mess than ever—along with the pressure of making sure the kids have a memorable holiday.

Some couples find it most difficult during the holiday season to become intimate just from the number of people in the house; there’s almost no alone time or privacy when you have kids. While you want to take the opportunity to connect during the summer school holidays as you both have time off work, most couples forget to make time to be partners instead of parents, even if it’s for one night.

Navigating your intimacy during the busy holiday period isn’t as hard as you think, you just have to know how to approach it. We’ve got a few tips and tricks that will help you get cozy with your partner during the school holidays, and the kids won’t know a thing. Keep reading more on Dr. Lurve’s guide on how to navigate intimacy if you have children.

intimacy with children, couple kissing
Image: Instagram @humanlovers

Dr. Lurve’s Simple Ways To Navigate Intimacy If You Have Children

1) Schedule a date

Dr. Lurve knows you’re thinking this sounds pretty simple, right? Well, when you’re a parent, trying to find a night off is a task in itself – not only do you need a night that you are both free but also a night the kids don’t have something on, along with the availability of grandparents or a babysitter. Trust us when we say putting the effort and time aside to plan your date night is definitely worth it. The first step to becoming more connected with your partner after a long year is to check in with each other and reflect on what the past year meant for you as individuals and as a couple.

It’s a great time to discuss what you want to work on next year and what you appreciate about each other – and after a few glasses of red wine at your favorite restaurant, you can kiss and make up (and then some). If you can help it, try not to talk about your kids during the date – this is the time to talk about yourselves and unlock those deep thoughts you’ve held onto during the year.

Mind you, the date itself doesn’t have to be extravagant if you don’t want it to be; it can be as simple as dinner and a movie, going to the beach for a sunset walk with gelato in hand, or even a picnic at the park. Getting back to your couple roots and rekindling your affection for each other is a great way to end the year just gone, and an even sweeter way to bring new energy into 2020.

intimacy with children, couple in bed
Photo: Toa Heftiba

2) Play while they’re away

So it might not be practical to call the babysitter every time you want some alone time with your partner, plus you want to be able to get cosy under the covers in your own bed – can’t quite do that if the kids are home and awake!

You’re the parents, which means you’re also the boss of what goes on with your kids during the school holidays – use it well. Be strategic with your planning and set up a few play dates with their friends that’s out of the house; this gives you some real time alone with your partner and you can be more experimental (and vocal) when the house is empty.

A hot tip before the kids are out of your hair: try teasing each other in the lead up to your alone time! Give them a soft kiss on the ear or neck when no one is looking, grab their butt in a cheeky way or simply scratch one nail along their spine from the neck down for the ultimate goosebumps. Once you’ve built up the teasing and the house is empty, you’ll be ripping each other’s clothes off in the hottest way

3) New year, new sex

Who said New Year’s Resolutions had to be about diets and fitness? Dr. Lurve says some up with a new resolution that involves you and your partner’s intimacy; it can be about having sex more often, taking time out with each other, or vowing to schedule date night once a month. Whatever you decide to resolve for the new year with your lover, make sure it’s something you can stick to!

Once you’ve sealed your New Year’s kiss, tell them your resolution and see what they think about it; you can make a resolution together which is easier to keep thanks to accountability. When you’re both working towards a goal to become more intimate and connected, you both have something to lose if you fail, and everything to gain if you stick to the resolution.

By whatever means necessary, giving your relationship a breath of fresh air during the school holidays is beneficial for the whole family unit. Dr. Lurve says you’re a couple and parents, and while it’s easy to let the parenting get in the driver’s seat of your love life, appreciating your partner and reminding each other about the importance of intimacy will make these school holidays something you won’t forget.

While you’re here, check out Dr. Lurve’s insider tips on how to make the best out of your Valentine’s Day if you’re single

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