DrLurve is Australia’s leading love and relationship expert! Based in Sydney, she specialises in helping people navigate the science and metaphysics of relationships. A modern-day cupid for individuals discovering self-love, singles ready to find love and couples ready to make love last forever, she is the singular authority on how to make a long-lasting relationship. The Lurve Lab is Dr Lurve’s signature series of courses, seminars, talks and intensives for those ready to find, cultivate, and keep love. From discovering chemistry to transforming love gone wrong, Dr Lurve guides couples in creating connections that can last a lifetime.
It’s become one of several new habits of breaking up, just without the explanation! I remember it was considered disrespectful to beak up over the phone, you expected to have face to face it was a conversation when doing the break-up. Now we are given the privilege of ghosting or MIA. Nevertheless, it’s a common occurrence and if you’ve had the unfortunate opportunity to experience being ghosted, ignored or whatever you would like to call it, your feelings and thoughts would have been running in overdrive. But you’re not alone, according to a Plenty Of Fish survey, 78 per cent of single millennials have been ghosted by a date.
Being ghosted is not a pleasant experience. Getting ghosted by someone you’re freshly dating can be a blow to the ego, and getting ghosted by a long-term partner is devastating. Break-ups could be handled with a little more class and dignity. Here are a few reasons people decide to ghost:
They don’t want to have that uncomfortable break-up conversation
They assume you feel the same
The relationship was casual, they didn’t think it called for an official break up conversation
While most of us disapprove of this dating habit, we have all survived it. Just some deal with it better than others. Given how common it is, it’s probably a skill worth developing.
So how do you bounce back from the feelings of rejection? Here are my top eight tips to help you through those ghostly times!
1. Give them the benefit of the doubt: If it’s only been a few hours, wait it out and see if they come back to you.
2. Reframe your thinking: Most people take ghosting very personally. Thoughts of not being enough, unlovable or unworthy. But this isn’t the case. These are your fears talking out loud. The fears that will keep you from taking future risks in your relationships. Feelings are not facts, just because you feel this way doesn’t mean its true.
3. Don’t reach out: They know where to find you. If you reach out, you put yourself in a position of possible rejection again. You will spend time orchestrating the perfect text and then hear nothing back! Another blow to the ego. The less attention you can give the Ghoster, the better.
4. You may not be right for each other! Don’t dwell on all the things you think might be wrong with you, just be ok that they weren’t the right one for you. If they were they would have stuck around and wanted to be with you.
5. Listen to your feelings but be careful what you do with them.
6. Stay busy! Feeling sorry for yourself is highly counterproductive, and will chip away at your self-esteem. This will make it harder to form a genuine connection with someone.
7. Turn your attention to other dating prospects, especially those that are communicating with you. Since the ghost didn’t make you a priority, don’t prioritize them either. Get back on your dating apps, follow up with people you’ve already spoken with, and be open to talking to new people.
8. If you’re worried that your future dates might ghost you. Talk about it. Ask them if they have experienced ghosting before and how it made them feel. Sharing these experiences make it less likely for either of you to ghost one another.